I developed Cattitude (aka Cat Coaching and Feline Better Every Day) after adopting Rainbow MagnifiCat from the rescue cat shelter in 2013 and realising how attending to her nervous system, practising what I had learned about Polyvagal Theory and other trauma-informed therapies was helping me (and later clients and groups).
With ADHD and/or trauma histories, your extra sensitive nervous system can be a gift when you treat your whole self with compassion.
In this week’s episode, this simple but effective practise, adapted from Deb Dana’s Befriending your Hierarchy exercise (from her book, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection, Norton) is a wonderful way to build on what you’ve started from last week’s dopamenu episode (and deeper dives in the Sole to Soul Circle).
It really works. Simple Cattitude.
Am really looking forward to hearing how you get on with it.
le grá (with love),
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Rainbow is part of my branding so I do probably have a disproportionate number of clients and supervisees who love cats but it works with any kind of creature and it just I love seeing people's faces change as they embody that sense of care for themselves that they've already been giving to their cats or dogs or toddlers or others they love. I love seeing the way people light up and I love that kind of eventual recognition that of course they deserve, of course YOU deserve the same compassion and tenderness and care.
Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.
I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive you'll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to the Soul to Soul Circle.
You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month and you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.
Hi, welcome to episode 48 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. For today's episode I want you to grab a piece of paper and a pen and get ready to improve or even transform any issue that you've been struggling with just by befriending your nervous system more.
We're taking inspiration from cats to work with Polyvagal Theory in a really simple but fun and effective way. I started the whole Cattitude element of my work years and years ago after I brought Rainbow Magnificat back from the cat shelter in 2013. I'd learned about Polyvagal Theory doing my yoga therapy for mental health training and, as I realised how Rainbow was helping me embody it, I created Feline Better Every Day and cat coaching.
So much of what I have done with Rainbow and now with Meadbh, and Teri Crews Cat and Angel Houdini, helps my nervous system as well as seeing the enormous improvements with them. Angel now lets me hold him and purrs at me! And then looks at me and remembers, oh no, he's feral and runs away. But there's something transformational about talking to ourselves as if we were a beloved cat, kitten, puppy, toddler, someone, another mammal.
I often say lizard as well, I know they're not mammals, but find something that you love. I'm going to slow down and I'm going to read from the script because there's so much I want to include, I don't normally use a script.
But basically we humans have very similar nervous systems to cats and by thinking in terms of cat coaching or Cattitude or Feline Better Every Day, it hopefully takes some of the jargon away and makes it less scary. Because all of this is common sense.
Stephen Porges has done a phenomenal work and Deb Dana is making it more accessible and so many other people are taking Polyvagal Theory and running with it. But the reminder is that you deserve the care, kindness, curiosity, tenderness and compassion that you'd give a beloved cat, kitten, toddler, puppy, etc. So you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net/feline.
For now, just imagine cutting yourself some slack and think about something that is a stressor in your life, whatever it is you're feeling. All of us can benefit from paying more attention to our nervous systems and instead of trying to suppress all that wisdom, instead of trying to override it to really pay attention.
Especially for people with trauma histories or ADHD with more sensitive nervous systems, we've grown up often being told we're too sensitive, there's something wrong with us, why are we so dramatic?
I still get it now. I'm 49 and loved ones mean well, but they will tell me to not get sad about things but I've learnt to honour my nervous system. And that's absolutely fine. But growing up, it can be really confusing. And when you're younger, so it's really remembering as adults, or at any age, if you're younger watching this, you have a right to honour your nervous system.
And there's no need to be talked out of knowing what you're feeling. And you're not too much no matter what you're feeling. So this practice is adapted from the lovely Deb Dana book, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection.
It's the Befriending the Hierarchy exercise. But I'm using Feline Better Every Day terminology, Cattitude terminology, to help you think more easily than thinking in terms of ventral vagal wellness, or sympathetic nervous system, or a lot of the things I talk about a lot, but for this, or dorsal vagal. So Deb Dana is wonderful.
Stephen Porteous's Polyvagal Theory changed my life. And I used to have anxiety dreams about the terminology. But it is so gorgeous.
If you are interested, and you go to that Feline Better Every Day page on my website, I'm linking some resources there for you as well. Check out Deb Dana's work as well. And also there are many interviews with the fantabulous Stephen Porges online.
You don't need to freak yourself out with heaviness but it's such a beneficial framework. And I'm hoping that the inspiration from my rescue cats will help you.
Even after all these years, more than two decades of integrating different therapies, and a decade of using more than a decade of using Rainbow Magnificat to support some clients as well as myself. And I love it when clients and I mean, I used to have Rainbow as part of my branding, so I do probably have a disproportionate number of clients and supervisees who love cats, but you can use any kind of creature. And I love seeing people's faces change as they embody that sense of care for themselves that they've already been giving to their cats or dogs or toddlers or others they love.
I love seeing the way people light up. And I love that kind of eventual recognition that of course, they deserve of course, you deserve the same compassion and tenderness and care. It's a transformative I know for me, I've had years of therapy as part of my training.
I'd had coaching, I'd been doing all these things on myself. But it was when I started working with Rainbow's nervous system, when I brought her back from the shelter, and she was terrified. And me softening my tone of voice for her using Polyvagal Theory knowledge to keep me doing it.
And it softened my own tone of voice towards myself. So even now, if I like drop something and break it, like thinking, ‘Oh, I love this glass, I've had it for 20 years’ CRASH. In the past, it would mean like, ‘Oh,’ I'm giving myself a hard time. Whereas now it's just like, ‘It's okay, Evei Cat’ cleaning it up and just honouring the disappointment, but not making it worse by my reaction to it.
You might want to pause this recording as you think about something in your life that is challenging for you right now. Whatever it is, large, small, I'm not going to stress you out by having you pick something at a certain level, just an issue that you're ready to transform, and get that paper and pen. So draw a line through the paper length ways.
Through the middle. And then write the issue you want to improve. I haven't written an issue, but on that middle bit there, if you're watching this rather than listening to it, and then draw three columns going down and another column at the top.
So you've got Purr! Hiss! and Freeze. So Purr is the first one, and that corresponds to the ventral state that we're going for. That real sense of embodied wellbeing. That ventral vagal wellness. And I'm not going to go too much into that right now.
Just write down Purr! at the top, write down Hiss! in the middle, and that's for the stress, sympathetic activation, but not only the excited, energised, motivated, sympathetic like we need all of it. We need that motivation. We need sympathetic activation for the nervous system.
There's a lot about encouraging more parasympathetic activity, which is great in this 24-7 society we live in, but sympathetic activation definitely has its place. All of these ways of being have their place. There's no right or wrong.
It's just helping you befriend your nervous system and get to know your hierarchy. And I hope that this helps.
In the third column, write Freeze. That's the dorsal vagal. So it's the hybrid of the parasympathetic and sympathetic, because there has to be some sympathetic activity in order to not be completely collapsed, some vagal tone.
But at the same time, there's an enormous sense of overwhelm. And it's not the most pleasant, and especially with trauma and with ADHD, you might feel it.
This is about getting to know your nervous system. And this is about working with it and recognising even when you feel completely overwhelmed, you have choice, you have options. So once you have drawn those lines, start thinking. Just because I was just talking about it, think about a time when you felt completely overwhelmed, a time where you felt just like you were just sitting down or lying down, unable to do the thing you'd intended to do or wanted to do, or thinking about doing, you're just in that state of it's too much.
As you even think about it now, notice what you're aware of in your body, notice how you're feeling, notice any thoughts, notice any emotions that crop up, any shame, any guilt, any palpitations, anything at all, any heaviness, any lightness, just any temperature, just make a note of it.
This is about befriending yourself, knowing that there's rich, rich, rich, rich information here for you. So just think even as you write about it, as you think about it now, where in your body do you feel that sense of freeze most strongly? How do you know, like what's your posture like? You might want to embody it for a moment, lie down, sit down, connect with that sense of sometimes hopelessness. It's okay, I’m not going to leave you there.
Okay, so you may want to paws and keep writing, but to carry on, thinking about when you're more in Hiss! mode, so the pictures I'm choosing, they're the cats yawning, but it looks like they're roaring, but they're not.
Thinking for yourself, how do you know that your sympathetic nervous system has been activated, that you're in stress response? What is the telltale sign for you? How do you know, do you have any kind of chronic condition that flares up? Does your stomach let you know, like do you need to get to the loo quickly? Do you flush? Do you like kind of get very hot or very cold? Like how do you know that you're stressed out and it goes beyond that positive eustress and into more distress?
What are the thoughts, emotions and somatic sensations that you're aware of here? Just again, using your body as information, so maybe pausing this recording and making a note of as many hiss symptoms as you can think of.
And when you're ready, coming on to the Purr! So imagining yourself in embodied well-being mode, ventral vagal wellness. How do you feel when you're in Purr! mode? I've noticed even just mentioning it, I've gone all soft and floaty and relaxed.
Who are you with as you think about yourself in Purr! mode? We co-regulate, we heal in company, but it has to be company we feel safe, welcome and can thrive with. What are you doing? Where are you? Where in your body do you feel the sense of embodied well-being, this sense of purr most strongly? When might you make more time for it and how more space for it? Again, paws this recording and write down as many symptoms of purring in your body as you can. So different times of day or night and different places, different people, different activities, really make this as easy to refer back to.
Last week we were talking about dopamenus. Add these things to your dopamenu.
So this is where we're moving to the bottom part of the piece of paper and encouraging you to think of what can you do more of in your life, how can you give yourself more time and space to do the things that put you into Purr! mode more often? And then going back to the Hiss! category, when you're stressed, what can you do to support yourself? What can you do to honour that hiss and maybe speak up, maybe get someone to help advocate for yourself, maybe vent with someone else against the co-regulation so important, maybe take time out, maybe give yourself some space to recognise, ‘OK! I'm in Hiss! mode, I'm going to pull the duvet over my head and regroup and let myself be a human and honour my nervous system!’
There are so many things it could be and we're going to be going into this in more detail with the Half Moon and Full Moon memberships, but for now, paws the recording and just list everything you can think of that could help you.
Exercise is a wonderful way to get it out of the body, swimming is my medicine, honestly, or sometimes a bike ride, sometimes a brisk walk, yoga for sure, but swimming for sure is where I begin to feel human again.
Moving then back to Freeze and thinking what might help you when you're in that mode, feeling at collapse almost, maybe you've actually experienced it, maybe you can imagine it, maybe you're afraid of it, but that sense of overwhelm for your allostatic load, the stress has been too much and it's just too much. ‘Enough! I quit!’ So thinking to yourself what might help you when you're feeling that overwrought, that burnt out, that gone.
You might not believe that anything might help you, but if you were to imagine what might help you and even include superheroes, include magic, include whatever might help you. Write it down and you can, by getting to know these things, you can begin to put plans in place so that you can actually have supports in place when you need them most.
Listing everything, even if it feels unrealistic, even if it feels magical, even if it feels like you don't deserve it, because unfortunately that can be part of how so many of us have grown up that you might know what would help but you don't feel you deserve it. I used to pass out the whole time at school, from 10 to my teens and it used to be so embarrassing but I had no confidence and I was painfully shy and I'd feel myself going and I'd just pass out because I was too shy to draw attention to myself by taking a seat and putting my head below my heart like the doctors told me to.
I didn't understand that it was to do with the blood flow, the circulation, so now if I begin to feel that way I can stand on my tiptoes as I inhale, exhale as I release the heels to the ground and repeat as needed. That begins to get the blood pumping, the circulation going again and now I'd have no problem.
I'd be more scared now (all the times I passed out and hit my head as a kid!) but I was absolutely mortified. And even though I knew that this really basic thing would help, I didn't do it for myself.
It might be that just thinking about the things that you deprive yourself, that you deny yourself, that might help even if you don't fully believe them.
So you have now your notifications from your body when you're in Purr! When you're in Hiss! When you're in Freeze! And you also have some ideas that you might want to add to your dopamenu to help you get more into Purr! mode, enjoy life more, know that joy is your birthright.
Think of a relaxed happy cat, at peace with the world, just knowing that it deserves to be adored and cared for and loved. Just like you do.
Remember, maybe you have included pets in your Purr! mode and maybe pets help you when you're stressed as well (if your energy isn't freaking them out). Spend a few minutes journaling about these ideas and then go back to last week's episode around the dopamenu and add some of these insights from today to your dopamenu and let me know how you get on. I love hearing from you.
As I mentioned there's bonus material for the Half Moon members (that's the free subscribers at evemc.substack.com) of the Soul Circle. We're going to be going into more detail with this helping you find imagining a cat, how it always knows the most comfortable spot, how to find that sun puddle. So I'm going to encourage you and those Half Moon members to find sun puddles in different areas of your life.
And then for the Full Moon and Supermoon members, supporting your nervous system and by exploring ways to work with your stress, that positive stress. So if you imagine a toddler, no one needs to tell the toddler to crawl or to walk unless there's been really severe abuse or neglect. That toddler knows how to thrive.
Even with like it's phenomenal what people come through, it's phenomenal how huge the capacity to heal is. But you think about toddlers, how they want to walk, they want to crawl, they want to toddle. They're not like oh I'm not graceful enough, I keep falling over, all these things.
This drive is within all of us to be whole and to grow and we do fall metaphorically as well as physically sometimes as we expand our comfort areas, our comfort zones. But we're going to go into more of that for the Full Moon and Supermoon members of the Sole to Soul Circle. So they're the paid members, that's from eight euros a month and you can cancel anytime but hopefully you'll find it helpful and not want to.
And you can of course upgrade at evemc.substack.com. Let me know how you get on, let me know how you found this. Is this something you've applied to your life already? How do you feel at the idea of Purr! and Hiss! and Freeze? Like hopefully it's a shorthand that will work for you. If it doesn't, I encourage you to think about your own.
You know yourself best. Thank you so much for listening. Next week we're exploring sleep and I look forward to sharing more then.
But I really appreciate your time and your comments and your questions and I wish you many, many, many moments of purry pawfection. And remember with all of this, it's a matter of progress, not purrfection. And I have a gazillion other ridiculous cat puns, but I will spare you for now.
Have a wonderful week. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Feel Better Every Day podcast.
I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself, to connect with yourself, with that uppercase, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself, and to become more fully embodied, at peace and at ease in your own skin.
To help me do this, if you can think of someone who might benefit, please share it. And if you haven't already and would like to, you can subscribe, comment, rate, review.
And this episode, like all of them so far, has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Thanks again for listening.
And if you'd like more on this week's theme, you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com. Find out more at selfcarecoaching.net. And each week, Half Moon members, that's the free subscribers, get some bonus content to support balance and harmony.
So it's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme.
And then the following day, Full Moon and Supermoon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting, really soothing, really working well with your nervous system so that you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know to do, but just supporting you and taking those steps. Let me know if any of that is of interest, and I hope you have a gorgeous day.
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