Are you navigating trauma and ADHD? This episode is for you. As we approach the Summer Solstice, it's a powerful time to reflect on what you're giving your energy to and how you allow yourself to shine.
But what if you don't feel ‘shiny’? Or have the energy you wish you did? Learn to honour your current capacity, especially when living with a trauma history and an ADHD brain.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to release the pressure to perform and embrace self-compassion, even when your energy feels low.
Practical, trauma-informed, and ADHD-friendly ways to help your nervous system rebalance, including simple breathwork and mindful movement.
Why allowing yourself to rest and simply be (even when hyper-vigilance or performance conditioning makes it challenging) is essential.
How regulating your own system helps you contribute more effectively to the world without burning out.
Why embracing community and collective action is especially important when you feel the weight of global challenges.
Empower yourself to Feel Better, Be Better and Do Better.
The Feel Better Every Day Podcast
Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.
With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas to help you:
• Feel Better (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)
• Be Better (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and
• Do Better (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)
Thanks for listening or watching.
New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.
Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.
Want to work with me?
• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.
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https://selfcarecoaching.net
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and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.
• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc
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And if you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.
Chapters
(0:02 - 5:27) – Introduction to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and Summer Solstice
(5:28 - 14:00) – How to work with your nervous system to feel better this Solstice and let yourself shine. Feel Better and Be Better
(14:01 - 18:58) – Moving into Do Better to improve things not only for yourself but your family, teams, communities and world
(18:59 - 20:55) – Finding the courage to speak up for others and an invitation to the Sole to Soul Circle
(20:55 - 21:22) – How to join the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com
Disclaimer
The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.
Thanks for listening. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.
#TraumaInformed #ADHDSupport #SelfCare #NervousSystemRegulation #SummerSolstice #PodcastForADHD #TraumaRecovery #EveMenezesCunningham
Full transcript
Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S: that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. The idea is to help you feel better every day, creating life you don't need to retreat from.
You can find out more at
http://thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com
And in today's episode, we're celebrating the Summer Solstice. So in the Northern Hemisphere, it's the 21st of June. I mean, it's the 21st of June everywhere, but it's summer here.
If you're in the Southern Hemisphere, you might be celebrating the winter solstice. And I'm kind of laughing because I live on the west coast of Ireland and it's been quite wintery even in June right now, which is perfect for this episode because the Summer Solstice.
When we're working with the Celtic Wheel of the Year energies, it's a wonderful time to think about your public self, that part of you. It's a great time to think about your commitments and what you're giving your energy to.
It's a wonderful time to think about letting yourself shine. And you think of summer solstice, you think bright sunshine, sunflower energy, glorious warmth. And that's not always the case.
And that's also not always the case with yourself. Sometimes our energies are aligned and in tune with the seasonal energies, whether the lunar cycle or the Celtic Wheel or whatever you follow. And other times they can feel like there's a bit of a mismatch.
So if there are lots of things you want to be doing, lots of contributions you want to be making to the world and you just don't have the energy, that's fine. It's about honouring yourself and letting yourself be.
Really just noticing for yourself now, you might want to grab a journal and think for yourself, what do you tell yourself when you feel like you should be doing more? When you feel like you should be your shiniest, happiest self and you just don't feel like it?
Maybe you have high hopes for what you'd like to be doing, maybe in your life, in your family, in your work, in your community, in the world at large, all these ideas and just struggling to manifest them, struggling to make them a reality?
I'm really encouraging you today to connect with your energies this Solstice and to think about how you might feel safe and secure enough to step out of your comfort zone, let yourself be seen and heard, let yourself be more visible and recognise that that is going to be scary for your nervous system. Any time we expand, there's that part of you that's going to be afraid. Working with it rather than denying it means you can support yourself through it and still make the kind of contribution you want to make to helping create a better, fairer, more equitable planet for everyone and also in your own work, in your own life.
But we need to recognise where we are, we need to start where we are. There's no point thinking that you've got all these brilliant ideas if you do or feeling overwhelmed. There's so much in 2025 to feel hopeless and overwhelmed by, but that doesn't help anyone.
For the Feel Better portion of this episode, so the Feel Better element is for those times when you have the motivation, the energy, the bandwidth to do the things that can help change your state, that can help resource you. We're going to be working with the nervous system and just recognising that we might be quite sophisticated beings in some ways, but our wiring is ancient and we just aren't equipped for everything that's going on.
The best thing we can do is not argue with reality and build in as much downtime as possible so that our nervous system can do the lift, lift, lift, sympathetic activation that life and all its excitement and all its stress and all its horror can bring. But the last thing we want to do is burn out and just go into that collapse mode. By building in times in which we can actively rest, actively rest, I make it sound like such hard work…
With trauma histories, with ADHD, rest and relaxation can feel like really hard work, but it's about countering what's normally happening. You're on the go at work, you're on the go at home, you're on the go with your unique brain wiring, thinking about a million things, a million causes you care so deeply about and feel hopeless about.
And that isn't healthy and that's not going to help anyone. Your suffering does not help anyone.
To help you feel better this Solstice, just be aware that your nervous system needs a rest, it needs a break, it needs to rebalance and you can do this as simply as if you are a runner or a swimmer or you do any kind of activity. If you're doing yoga, pause in Savasana after the Sun Salutations in your home practice or you might do some weights and then kind of sit down or lie down, wait for your heart to settle or some push-ups.
Any kind of activity, it might be vacuuming your house, any kind of activity, lift your heart rate or going for a brisk walk, lift your heart rate and then give yourself permission to sit down and if it's possible, observe your heart rate coming back to normal. That can, with some trauma histories, feel quite anxiety-inducing.
Go easy with yourself, go gently with yourself but it can be really beneficial to come into the body in this way and just notice what's happening with the heart rate and when it comes back down to normal, then get on with your day.
You've then begun to retrain your nervous system and the more we do that, we're helping to support our heart rate variability and that helps our physical health as well as our mental and emotional health.
It gives us that flexibility, we're able to deal with when we need to be. I love always thinking about cats and they might be very, very rested and relaxed but they're still ready but they're not like we often get where we're not relaxing.
We're not letting ourselves properly relax because we're so hyper-vigilant. By retraining the nervous system, you're going to be supporting that and a really simple thing you can do, pretty much anytime, anywhere, is to observe what's happening with the breath.
Just for yourself now you might want to notice whether the breath is shallow if you're breathing from the top of the lungs or from the middle of the lungs or from the lower lungs as if you were breathing from the belly.
And if it feels good for you, you might want to see how it feels to deepen the breath if you were breathing from the middle of the lungs or the top of the lungs and get a sense then of whether your in-breath is longer than your out-breath, your inhalation longer than your exhalation or if it's the other way around, longer out-breath, longer exhalation or if they're evenly balanced and ideally because we live in a society where we're on the go all the time and there's stress, stress, stress, excitement, excitement, excitement, for overall balance it's good to have a calming breath that's going to actually calm the nervous system, bring on that rest-digest response, that parasympathetic activation. For that, aiming for a slightly longer exhalation. If you enjoy counting, you might count in for one and out for two, in for two or out for three. Or in for four and out for six. A ratio that feels good with your breath, with your lung capacity.
Some people, myself including, find counting stressful so I prefer to just get a sense of a slightly longer exhalation and I'm aware other people like I've taught this at an investment bank in London and they very much wanted to know how long to count for so do what feels good for you and just notice even over these few moments how does it feel to notice your heart rate settle, to notice the breath, to deepen the breath and to aim for that slightly longer exhalation.
Something as simple as that can help you feel better, that's helping you regulate. In psychosynthesis terms we're using the Will archetype, that kind of any situation what can we do, how can we use discipline and focus and motivation and of course the more we practice the more easy it is to remember when we need these tools the most and of course with ADHD and with trauma recovery sometimes what seems like the simplest thing in the world can be impossible.
We move then into the Be Better element where that might sound like pressure but the idea is you're letting yourself just be. Letting yourself think, OK, I have ideas for what I would love to do in my own work, in my family, in my community, in the world and I just don't have the energy right now, I don't have the bandwidth right now.
Imagine putting a duvet over your head, let the sun shine outside and don't feel pressured to do anything that doesn't feel good for you. The being better element is the allowing yourself to rest, to relax and again recognising that can be really challenging with ADHD brains and also with trauma history. We have that hyper vigilance, it can feel unsafe to be and we might have been raised to perform and it can feel like we're not worthy of just allowing ourselves to be.
That can trigger a stress response on its own so notice how you feel as I even talk about it but also think about the times if you can where you have just let yourself be, where you've just been relaxing in the shower or maybe sitting in the sun. For me it's being underwater, just floating or swimming or snorkelling or taking pictures.
It's that time when my mind is most relaxed and it might be again after strong movement, after some sort of exercise. You're just letting yourself. So thinking about some of those times where first of all everyone deserves to just be, like we're human beings, it's not about doing but we get so conditioned to feel we have to be performing, we have to be productive, we have to be and I kind of hate saying this but it also helps motivate me and some of my clients to know that the more we actually build in that time for rest and relaxation even when it feels like the world is shining around us and we're supposed to be on.
Let yourself be, let yourself do what feels good to be you in any given moment, pull that duvet over your head or have a nap in the garden or whatever it might be for you, it might be watching a film that you love and don't have to think about much or listening to music but again that's kind of moving more back into the Feel Better, the regulatory, the thinking about what's going help me feel better.
The Be Better bit really is that letting yourself get still, letting yourself do nothing. For some of you I know that it's a sense of joy, like ‘I love doing nothing!’ and for others you might be, ‘Ah that feels impossible.’
Just notice how it feels. Then we move on to Do Better where I want you to think about what you would like for yourself, for your family, for your communities and the world. If you were to imagine the best case scenario for the world?
There is so much going on, there is so much pain, so much suffering, so many people in so many different parts of the world in so many ways, your suffering does not help anyone else.
You're allowing yourself to regulate, to look after yourself, to do the things that bring you joy, that empower you. And also you're allowing yourself to be better, to let yourself be and not be constantly trying to improve yourself but to know that you are worthy, you are lovable, it's the love archetype in psychosynthesis, just recognising how you feel in any given moment and what you need.
When you have that grounded, when you are feeling better from that deep within state, you will then feel more empowered to Do Better, to have a positive impact on the world around you.
I've just suddenly remembered, in my 20s I was very involved in the peace movement and I was working full-time, I had a chronic pain condition and I was crossing London every week or every other week one evening a week to go. We were fortunate enough, John McDonnell, an MP back then, had given us access to the House of Parliament to have our meetings for the Campaign for a Ministry for Peace.
I was in my 20s and other people involved were much older, much more experienced human rights lawyers and I had no clue I had ADHD at the time. I just knew I cared so deeply about everyone on the planet and I burnt out, I completely burnt out.
I was trying to do way too much and I was feeling so hopeless. I ended up getting signed off work for two weeks. This was in my last office job in a legal publishing company and I was basically so upset that my taxes were being used to bomb Iraq and Afghanistan. I was sobbing walking around the open plan office, I had such high hopes for how the world could be safe for every child and like thinking now about everything that's going on and the people impacted in all parts of the world and how heartbreaking it is and how hopeless it is easy to feel and how that doesn't help anyone.
We have to do what helps us regulate our own nervous system. We have to not let ourselves get caught up in the outrage and the fear and the hopelessness but to do the things that nourish us even if it feels self-indulgent, eating the good food, letting yourself sleep, letting yourself just find as much joy in life as possible, that is then going to help you do better, that is going to help you have the energy to make a positive impact, to help transform what hurts your heart into healing not only yourself but your communities and the world at large.
I'm aware that this might sound like quite an all-over-the-place plan and I'm also aware that ADHD brains might relate: there's that part of you that's like, ‘I want to do all the things, I want to help with this cause, with this cause, with this area, with this everything’ and again the Metta meditations you can Google and at selfcarecoaching.net Metta is Loving Kindness. There are lots that you can listen to and do yourself and it really helps me to not just kind of get around sobbing age nearly 50 now.
Yes, I cry a lot but I'm actually happier now than I've ever been in spite of all that's going on in the world because I feel more empowered and I know that there is hope for humanity however dire things might feel.
I look at the amazing people who are working so hard to help the most marginalised groups and individuals and it gives me enormous hope and I hope that you will use this Solstice energy to let yourself shine in ways that feel good for you. And to also let yourself rest, let yourself be and let yourself, even imagine if you had all the energy in the world, if you had all the resources in the world, what would you be doing to help make the world a better place for everyone.
And as you get clear let yourself fantasise about it, let yourself really imagine a limitless abundant future for all where everyone is safe, welcome and loved and able to thrive.
Can you imagine if all that potential? If everyone on the planet were safe and welcome and had enough food and water and shelter and all of it? Can you imagine the potential to solve all the problems the world is facing?
Let yourself imagine the good things and when you're done, notice how you feel, notice how your breath is. Come back to the breath and think about groups that already exist that you might join. No one can do all of this alone.
Back in my 20s I hadn't yet trained as a life coach let alone as a therapist and I hadn't had all the therapy I had around my name being Eve and that overdeveloped sense of responsibility. If it weren't for Eve we'd all still be in Eden and everything would be fine. Obviously that's not the case but in my 20s I massively had an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
And now it's like, we can all do those little things. We can all do those tiny things. Those opportunities to speak up when we hear something that needs to be spoken up against or for. Those opportunities to let someone know that they're safe and to be kind to someone. It could be as simple as holding a door open for someone but I hope that you will know that wherever you are, however you feel, it's about letting yourself be, loving and accepting yourself.
That's going to help you shine more brightly when you're ready. And from a place of safety, expanding that comfort zone, gently rather than overdoing anything.
If you would like a deeper dive you can join the Sole to Soul Circle and there's more information at selfcarecoaching.net and from as little as eight euros a month you can get deeper dives into each week's episodes.
This week there'll be one of my favourite meditations that's really simple and quick and easy and it's about releasing the blocks to being in that highest, wisest, wildest, truest, most joyful, miraculous, brilliant part of yourself. Allowing life to flow, allowing yourself to be inspired, allowing yourself to shine from a place of ease and safety and not forcing anything.
If you'd like to join, let me know, you can join later and you'll still be able to access it, there's no like Join Now, you have to.
Thank you for watching or listening, I really appreciate it. If you would like to, feel free to follow or subscribe. And I'd love it if you'd share it with someone who you think might benefit.
Wishing you a wondrous, Happy Solstice and let me know how you get on, I do love hearing from you.
I look forward to sharing more next week. Thanks again.
Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. If you’d like more, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle in order to access a rich archive of exclusive content including deeper dives into every episode and the whole Love Your WHOLE Self chakra journey. And you might also enjoy the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. You can get more information and access many many libraries and much more at selfcarecoaching.net and you can also connect with me and let me know how you’re getting on. Have a gorgeous week and I look forward to sharing more soon.
And this episode was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham.
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