Listen here or wherever you get your podcasts.
In this episode, I share why play isn't just for children and how reconnecting with your playful side can be transformative for ADHD brains and trauma survivors.
From my dolphin encounter to pretending to be dolphins on the harbour with a friend, I explore how silliness and joy can heal.
This episode includes:
✨ Why our brains learn so well through play (and how to do it deliberately)
✨ Permission to be 'foolish' and silly, even as an adult
✨ How play creates safety and co-regulation with others
✨ Simple ways to start playing when you feel 'too serious' or don't have energy
✨ The ripple effect your playfulness has on everyone around
✨ You're never 'too old' or 'too serious' to play
If this resonates, please subscribe, share with someone who needs more play in their life and let me know in the comments: How will you add more play to your week?
ABOUT
Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.
With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas to help you:
Feel… regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from
Love… accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and
Heal… turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large
Thanks for listening or watching.
New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.
Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.
WANT TO WORK WITH ME?
• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.
• All the free resources (for trauma, ADHD, menopause, solopreneurs, anxiety, sleep, confidence, resilience, finding purpose, meaning and joy and more) across my platforms and the library of self-care ideas and practices at
https://selfcarecoaching.net
• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (evemc.substack.com) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.
• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc
• While my private practice for one to one work (trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision) is almost always at capacity, if you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s still worth completing the short form at https://selfcarecoaching.net/contact to book your free telephone consultation in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together.
WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIALS?
You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and tell me what you want to ask or say:
YouTube @evemenezescunningham
Substack @evemc
Bluesky @eveimc
TikTok @evemenezescunningham
Insta @evemenezescunningham
Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay
And if you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.
CHAPTERS
(0:02 - 0:30) Introduction to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast
(0:30 - 1:06) How we learn so well through play
(1:07 - 16:22) We're never too old to play. And dolphins
RESOURCES
- Episode 7 with Nick Williams on play as a business benefit
- Sole to Soul Circle membership for bonus content
- Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing
DISCLAIMER
The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.
Thanks for listening. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.
FULL TRANSCRIPT
I did not expect to see dolphins. A pod of them came over to us so we were back to the harbour. Someone else said go out there at 11 o'clock! Dolphins!
And they came over to the boat and they were swimming under the boat and they were leaping through the air and they were being their magnificent miraculous amazing joyful healing transformative selves and I couldn't get over it.
Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. To help you feel better every day and create a life you don't need to retreat from.
You can find out more at the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com or selfcarecoaching.net.
Today we're looking at the power of play and the strongest way in which we remember things is through trauma. We're very, very present during traumatic experiences, so those memories go really deep.
The second best way to learn is through play, which is obviously way more enjoyable and you get to choose what you learn.
So you might feel that you can't remember how to play, you're too old to play, you never knew how to play and I thought I'd explore some ways in which you can have more fun with today's episode.
And you might also enjoy episode 7 with Nick Williams, the author of The Work You Were Born to Do and many, many other books.
He's talking about how play has become so important to him in terms of helping business leaders do their best thinking and being creative. But ultimately play is restorative, it's fun, it's healing.
We play with others, we co-regulate it's never too old to learn. As George Eliot said, it's never too late to be who you might have been. So even if you feel like it's silly, if you're open to the idea of remembering how to play, like you might have kids, you might play all the time, you might kind of get into their fantasy worlds and have adventures and do all sorts of things or you might be the way I used to be, very, very, very serious and play is just so beneficial if you can turn what you're learning like kind of as a student in any area into a playful approach like through music or anything like that.
It's far easier to remember but also just for your own wellbeing, just for your own happiness and your own joy.
Lots of things take effort, so in terms of the feel better element of my work, the regulation, the working with the will in psychosynthesis terms, the things we actively do.
For example for me, I have my first ever hobby as an adult having joined the Roscommon Sub Aqua club a couple years ago nearly now and I did not expect to be joining or doing anything like that and I regularly question my life choices with 5.30am starts and I'm not a morning person and often dives get cancelled.
I'm still a snorkel member because we're on the west coast of Ireland and the weather ... but I know without a shadow of a doubt that while I was already playing in the water with my sea swims and my pool swims and my underwater handstands, learning to snorkel has changed my life. It's incredible and to see the seaweed let alone the crabs and the fish and the dolphins that I got to see a few weeks ago out on the boat, never experienced anything like it.
I wanted to anchor that sensation of awe and wonder and I realised that the dolphins I would never have seen had I not kind of encouraged myself quite sternly, I'm not going to say forced myself, but to get back on the boat after I'd got so seasick previously.
I'm not the most elegant person getting on and off of boats like walking along, I nearly broke my toe getting onto a yoga mat to teach a class a few weeks ago. I'm not the most graceful person so other people seem to leap on and off more easily, other people seem to get seasick less but I thought, 'Nope, it's a nice day. I'm going to go out there and I'm just going to see what it's like. And then, when I upgrade to dive member I'll be able to get the most out of the experience.'
I did not expect to see dolphins. A pod of them came over to us so we were back to the harbour. Someone else said go out there at 11 o'clock! Dolphins!
And they came over to the boat and they were swimming under the boat and they were leaping through the air and they were being their magnificent miraculous amazing joyful healing transformative selves and I couldn't get over it.
Had I not done the thing, like I couldn't have predicted dolphins, I did say that before we went out on the boat I did ask hopefully will we see dolphins and I think people felt a bit sorry for me.
And then they all felt really jealous of me because I was the only one with the driver who saw them close up.
They were all on shore after their dive so you have to be willing sometimes with play to put yourself out of comfort zone.
For example, the sea swims that are quite playful for me.
But almost as fun as the dolphins was then being on shore with one of my friends in the dive club and miming the dolphins now we're both nearly 50. She's 50 I'm nearly 50 and she was like,'Oh god I'm like stuck with you now and you're going to be on and on and on about the dolphins until they come back aren't you?'
I was like, 'No no no no' I was like so obsessed with the dolphins. And she said, 'Go on then. Tell me about the dolphins.'
So I was like, 'OK. You pretend to be me on the boat over there. You're on the boat over there and I'll show you where they were.'
I just meant like in terms of distance but she pretended to be she was leaping around all excitedly. Taking the piss, pretending to be me with the dolphins.
So I then pretended to be a dolphin. So on the harbour in north Mayo, jumping around.
And it was almost as joyous as actually seeing the dolphins.
It was so much fun. It was so silly. There was no one else around but I thought that silliness that joy that exuberance that enthusiasm.
Especially with trauma histories. I was not a happy child. I was a miserable child so much of the time and I feel more joyful now.
Connecting with my Inner Child and all the healing I've done. And it's never too late. You're never too old. You can think back to what you might have liked to have done as a child or what you enjoyed doing as a child and use that as a starting point.
And I'm aware a lot of the examples I've given, like you might play a sport and the time as a child I do remember having fun was when we lived in America for a year and there were loads of kids in the neighbourhood and we'd play like impromptu little games of baseball out in the street and did a lot of gymnastics hanging upside down from the broken swing set in the garden with my next door neighbour and just like that was playful but I don't remember anything like that in London or Essex.
But it's never too late. It's never too late at all. And if you are thinking you don't have the energy to play or to go on boats that you're or whatever it might be for you let yourself BE better.
Have that acceptance, have that love for yourself like working with the Love archetype in psychosynthesis.
Accept where you are right now. I used to be there. I know what it's like if someone had said to me play more I'd be like, 'F*** off!' because it can feel really painful to see other people enjoying themselves and having a great time when you're in so much pain and just barely getting by.
So just let yourself be if you're in that BE better, Love... phase of my franework.
Not to think about what you have to do or what you should be doing or anything like that but let yourself to maybe even imagine what play might look like for you at some point in the future.
Know that how you're feeling right now, there's no need to argue with reality you're perfectly fine you're you're doing amazingly. It might be that you pull the duvet over your head and imagine making a duvet fort. Or imagine. Reading can be playful. Watching a film. With games.
There are so many different ways. But if it feels too hard, know that that's normal and know that the more safety you can create, the more at ease you can feel.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a world where everyone has safety and clean water, food, shelter, all of it.
If we were all safe, welcome and loved, everyone would be able to thrive.
Everyone would be able to play.
Everyone would be able to activate that most creative high vibe way of living.
When you're not there, don't beat yourself up about it. Notice little ways in which you might play with your food like kind of make silly faces I often with mashed potato and beans and vegan sausages make a silly face or just little things that might make you smile. Little things. But experiment.
Do what feels good for you. And think about the impact of your remembering how to play on others.
For the dDo better, Heal... phase thinking about the impact if you have children. If you have small children, older children might be embarrassed but let them.
Think of the impact on your wider family, on your organisation, your community, the world at large. The more playful you can be, I don't mean inappropriately playful I don't mean annoying other people I don't mean like banter that is like calling banter where it's really hurtful or jokes at other people's expense or anything like that.
But I do mean the more playful you are the more relaxed you are it has a ripple effect. I remember hundreds of years ago, a hen weekend for a friend's hen and we were in Cambridge on the river and we went punting and I'd not really heard of it before.
Oh my God/dess, I keep talking about boats today! That's weird!
It was one of those kind of gondola things and they had this guy who was really relaxed.
Someone in our group encouraged him to put on ridiculous ears that were for the bride or I can't remember what they were but, without any hesitation, he just took them and put them on. He looked utterly ridiculous and I just thought, 'Wow'. Because back then, I was like kind of deep in my misery and I'd gone along but it felt like a bit of a chore. I was not a kind of hen person, fun person at all and I'd been sober for a while but not long enough to feel comfortable with other people drinking and the way I am now.
I was going through the motions. And I remember this glimmer of hope just seeing this guy effortlessly taking this thing and putting it on his head.
Making everyone smile and play is transformative. Think about what's coming up for you as you ponder play or as you make time for play and again.
50 nearly, 50 year old me might sound really like, 'Oh my God/dess, I can't schedule play' but schedule time where you can give yourself permission to think about what feels good.
Whether it's, it might be going to the park. I recently went to a local park where they had a children's zip wire thing and I'm scared of heights. But this was a children's park.
This was not for adults. I was in my late 40s and my partner encouraged me to have a go. And you would think that I was over the Grand Canyon. I was absolutely terrified and utterly delighted.
It was the most hilarious thing. It was muddy. I think I fell off or he fell. Luckily, not high.
The more we can give ourselves permission to be foolish to be silly, to do what feels fun... it's a very present moment thing. And it helps us connect with ourselves. It helps us connect with others notice what comes up for you.
Give yourself permission to play. Know that it will be good for others in your life and potentially the world at large.
If you are a member of the Sole to Soul Circle your deeper dive tomorrow will include bonus content around this with some ways to explore more opportunities to play in your life.
And if you're not already a member and would like to be, you can join anytime. It's as little as eight euros a month and you get immediate access to the rich archive of exclusive content and that includes the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey.
You can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com and you might also enjoy the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.
You can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net/book or find it at your local library, bookshop or online.
And you can also Subscribe. So wherever you're listening or watching this, if you want to Subscribe or Follow, that would be wonderful leave a review if that feels good and share with someone who might benefit.
But most of all give yourself permission to have whatever reaction you have to the idea of being playful.
Recognise that it can be amazing. Recognise that it can be painful so just being gentle with yourself. But it is a really transformative skill to learn.
Oh my God/dess. It sounds like I'm sucking the joy out of play. Learn to play and transform your life! Nothing like that, just let yourself have fun. Let yourself be. Let yourself do the things you used to enjoy if there are things you used to enjoy and they've become less playful they've become less fun, explore ways in which you can take the pressure off and enjoy them more.
Look after yourself. Have a lovely week and I look forward to sharing more next time.
Share this post