Welcome to this special episode with 33 simple sleep solutions for any mood. Experiment and add your own.
Let me know how you get on!
le grá (with love),
Evei
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Soothe your ruminating mind, again, especially with ADHD or trauma histories, getting away from all the catastrophic thinking, the stressful thoughts that are kind of putting you in Stress Response rather than Rest/Digest mode, allowing yourself to have something really easy and accessible to redirect your brain from those ruminating, catastrophising thoughts into something.
Hi, I'm Eve Menezes-Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care, which we all know can be so challenging at times.
I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. If you sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle, you can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing https://selfcarecoaching.net/book
Hi, welcome to episode 49 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. We're celebrating World Sleep Day with lots of holistic tips to experiment with. See what works for you, you know what's best for you. Some of them might appeal, some might not, they're all offerings. I've already recorded half of this and it turned out I didn't record it, so I'm starting again. In my imagination what I'd recorded was golden, so I'm just going to do my best to make it as good as possible.
#1 Set a positive intention around what sleeping well means for you
We often think about what we don't want to feel like, so tired, cranky, exhausted, drained, depleted. Think about what you actually do want. Think about how you want to feel when you wake up, like energised, refreshed, recharged, alert, feeling well, enthusiastic. Make it as vivid as you can for yourself, which leads on to…
#2 Visualising what you want
Worrying is exhausting for our nervous system and it's really easy to do. We get into rumination mode and especially with trauma histories or ADHD, it's really common. So replacing worry with imagining what you want is a discipline. It will get easier and it's the ideal thing to practice when you're trying to get to sleep.
So thinking about what you do want. So it might be a great night's sleep or it might be something you want in your life. It might be a holiday you're looking forward to. It might be something you're looking forward to in your relationship or work or with your home or travel or whatever it might be. Use images. I mean, thinking about counting sheep, you don't have to count sheep.
You can think about something you actively want, put that into images in your brain. That's going to move away from the more language-based thinking, which is more like kind of for the daytime and it encourages sleep, moving into that image-based thought pattern. So win-win. You're more likely to move towards what you actually want and also it will relax you and help you sleep.
#3 Make your self-talk soothing
Even if you feel like you're lying to yourself. Now I don't advocate lying lightly, but in this case I do. Even if you feel like you're going to be shattered tomorrow, imagining that now is not going to help you. And it's going to keep you awake rather than helping you sleep. It's going to inhibit any sense of Rest Digest parasympathetic activity.
Even if you feel like you're lying to yourself, imagine yourself as a beloved puppy, baby, kitten, goat, whatever, something you love and talk kindly to yourself about how no matter how tired you might be, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. This helps calm the amygdala and make sleep more likely.
#4 Relax your breathing
It's something really simple and has an enormous impact. So a deeper breath and a slightly longer exhalation helps to calm the nervous system. You can count if you want to, maybe in for one and out for two or three, or in for two and out for three or four, or simply sense it. If you're like me, numbers are not relaxing. Do what feels good for you, but aim for that deeper breath, that slightly longer exhalation.
You can find more breath practices and more in-depth on this at selfcarecoaching.net forward slash book and go to the book bonus videos. So it helps to remind yourself gently every time you notice that your attention has wandered from the breath and gently bring it back, but with compassion and with a congratulations for noticing.
#5 Make your bedroom as comfortable as you can
Think about your sleeping arrangements and think about yourself seeing them for the first time. We get desensitised to things that might be inhibiting sleep so walk into your bedroom now if you can, or just imagine it. Think, if your priority was amazing sleep, what would you be taking out of the room or at least making less visible?
For some people, you don't have a separate bedroom. I lived in studio flats for years in Cardiff and London. You might be in a bedroom in a shared house. You might have to work from your bedroom.
I started my practice from my bedroom, like I had a little desk at the foot of the bed, so it might be a sleeping area. I lived in teeny tiny studio flats for a really long time. But having some sort of division, whether it's through lighting, whether it's through furnishing, whether it's through colour, but also keeping it as sleep welcoming as possible.
Take a friendly eye rather than a critical eye and ask yourself if your aim were better sleep, what might be most helpful here and how can you do that for yourself?
#6 Experiment with aromatherapy
Aim for quality oils. You don't want any of the toxic scented candles or sprays. And unfortunately we live in a world where a lot of these things that look like they're good for us are actually filled with chemicals that you don't want anywhere near or below. Look into that and experiment with scents that you naturally find relaxing. Lavender has been shown to work for many people, but if you don't like lavender, don't use lavender. Experiment with what works for you. And over time, if you have a blend, work with that. I use a blend of lavender, rose, frankincense and geranium. It's something I've been using for nearly two decades now.
It helps me anchor that sense of being ready for bed. Find a blend that works for you or simply use lavender or any one scent, make it easy for yourself. But you're again helping to use your anchors around you, using your senses to help you recognise it's getting time to wind down, it's time for bed and allowing yourself to relax.
Take your foot off the gas and prepare for a gorgeous night's sleep. So something else you might want to do…
#7 Sleep inducing yoga
I used to teach Sleep Yoga classes every week, for a long time, at the golf and country club I used to teach at in Essex before I moved to Ireland.
#8 Longer yoga nidras
I also want to remind you that while it can increase dopamine, while it can be really yummy and relaxing and also help us make progress towards our goals and working with our sankalpas, it can, especially if you're a bit agitated about not being able to relax with trauma histories with ADHD, it can feel quite anxiety provoking.
It's about really being friendly with yourself, starting with a shorter yoga nidra perhaps, experimenting with different voices. There are loads you can try on my YouTube channel, it's under my name, Eve Menezes Cunningham, or at selfcarecoaching.net.
I'm going to be sharing a Sleep Yoga abbreviated sequence that you can do on your bed for the Full Moon and Supermoon members as this week's bonus deeper dive. And an EFT tap along for the Half Moon free subscribers. Because these are things you can do on your bed or under the duvet, which just help to soothe the nervous system, help to prepare the body and mind for sleep.
And they're lovely practices, I do some sleep yoga many, many nights. It's just that getting ready and it helps you stay more comfortable, especially kind of post menopause. And if there are any kind of aching joints, the more you can work with your whole body, the easier it is for your mind and your body to relax.
So we touched on yoga nidra already. And I think I've said at selfcarecoaching.net and just type in yoga nidra, or through the Sole to Soul circle, there are bespoke ones for each theme for the Half Moon and for the Full Moon and Supermoon members.
#9 meditate or pray
Something as simple as breathing in and thinking calm and breathing out and thinking calm, or any other quality you choose. Breathing in, breathing out, doing this for three minutes or longer can help elicit the Relaxation Response (Episode 39). I'll link to the Relaxation Response episode in the show notes.
You can also use any kind of familiar and helpful meditation and prayers, whether you pray to God, Goddess, the Universe, Divine Love, Source, whatever works for you, Nature. It's about getting out of your ruminating mind again.
Especially with ADHD or trauma histories. Getting away from all the catastrophic thinking, the stressful thoughts that are kind of putting you in Stress Response rather than Rest Digest mode. Allowing yourself to have something really easy and accessible to redirect your brain from those ruminating, catastrophising thoughts into something more time to let go and let God, Goddess or whatever you believe in.
#10 Tap your sleeplessness away
As I mentioned, there's a tap along, an EFT Tap Along for sleep for Half Moon members (free subscribers). If you're not already and you want to sign up for free, it's at evemc.substack.com. You can also access loads of free EFT Tap Alongs for other things at selfcarecoaching.net/services/EFT
There are also other people who do Tap Alongs and other Emotional Freedom Techniques. There's more to EFT than just the tapping, but tapping is a wonderful place to start. Also, if you're a member of IACP, there’s the three-hour CPD for pretty much anything you can think of wanting to tap around.
It was intense to record and it's EFT for self-care for therapists and counsellors. So if you’re a member, you get that free and you might want to check it out.
#11 If you're really struggling to sleep, get active
This goes contrary to a lot of the advice about avoiding exercise late at night, but especially with ADHD or trauma histories, it can be really stressful lying there and knowing that you're not going to sleep. Getting up, giving yourself permission to do what your body needs, to do what your mind needs and go for a run, do some push-ups, do some sun salutations, go for a bike ride, jog on the spot or whatever feels good for you. Normally it's about winding down for bed, but there are going to be certain nights where some exercise is going to really help you sleep. So use activity to help you in a way that feels friendly for you.
#12 Step away from the bed
When you're lying awake for hours, the bed begins to feel far from comforting. After any kind of length of time that feels good for you, give yourself permission to get up.
You're not a child being sent to bed. You get to do what's right for you. You might want to do some light pottering or whatever feels like a break from trying to get to sleep. Give yourself that break and return to bed when you feel ready.
#13 Do a body scan
There are many online and you can also type body scan into the search tool on selfcarecoaching.net for some from me. Aim for stillness as you notice the most prominent feelings you become aware of as your awareness moves from part to part. For added TLC, you might want to thank each body part as you move up from the toes to the top of the head. This is super simple, just, ‘Thank you toes, thank you feet, thank you ankles, thank you calves, thank you shins…’ and so on. Just moving up, just sending a bit of love, sending a bit of gratitude to the only body you'll ever have.
#14 Notice the sounds and the lights
Notice if there are tweaks you can make to help your body prepare to wind down for sleep.
I started dimming light hours before I went to sleep because this really helps me later on. You might have something soothing that you begin to listen to. Experiment, but again you're training the brain to recognise certain sounds and lights and smells. Ah, it's time to wind down. It makes it easier. It's just much, much easier.
#15 Become a sleep detective
Notice all the things that support and hinder sleeping well for you. Log them and examine the logs for patterns. Make tweaks to your behaviour and log the results of those too. Treat it like an enjoyable experiment. We’re all different. Honour YOUR body's wisdom by really listening to clues. What works for me might not work for you. What works for someone else might not.
#16 Avoid caffeine
Prime example, many people avoid caffeine in afternoon, as in after midday. Some people can have a caffeine, a coffee right before bed and it has no impact on their sleep or even calms them down. Caffeine can mimic stimulant medication for some people with ADHD. If you're fine with an espresso right before bed, go for it. Notice your response to caffeine. Notice what is going to support you in better sleep for you.
#17 Avoid raw fruit and vegetables before bed
It makes me laugh a bit that when I was doing my specialist sleep training, oh God, over a decade ago now, I was really like, OK, avoid salad before bed. I didn't use to eat salad at all back then, but it was like salad bad, raw fruit and veg bad. Chocolate absolutely fine.
You might be fine with a salad before bed or you may notice an impact, but the idea is that you want to eat long before you go to bed so that the Rest Digest Response is focused on rest rather than digesting. Raw fruit and vegetables can be harder to digest than something more gentle on your stomach if you are hungry, because equally you don't want to go to bed hungry and then be up because you're hungry. Again, notice, like some people keep a banana by the bed or really easy snacks to have. Have things that support you and your sleep. Get curious about what works for you.
#18 Aim to eat at least two hours before bed
Again, working with your physiology, we know that we're supporting the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system and aiding that Rest Digest Response and therefore sleep. It makes so much sense. Why make life tougher for yourself? And also there are going to be nights where you can't and that's fine. None of this is about being rigid.
It's about noticing the things that really support you and that you want to implement as often as possible and then things that you can get away with, but it's knowing yourself.
#19 See if a warm bath or wearing socks in bed helps
It might sound silly, but body temperature can have an enormous impact on our ability to sleep soundly. Some people need to be cooler, so it might be a matter, especially around menopause and hot flashes, it might be about opening windows. It might be about wearing less, it might be wearing more. Having layers, making life as easy for yourself as possible. You know yourself best and sometimes it might be that you're too hot, but you like that cosy feel. Experiment.
#20 Notice the impact of screen time
Some people really benefit from switching off the TV and all devices hours before bedtime.
Experiment with what works for you and create pre-sleep rituals that support your sleep. Other people fall asleep, especially with neurodivergence, it can be really beneficial to listen to a podcast as you're falling asleep or favourite music or some people audiobooks or old TV shows that don't overstimulate.
It's again, give yourself permission to experiment. These are cues that you might want to play with.
#21 Choose something to read before bed that will be soporific
So something that's sleep inducing. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you enjoy it and it's soothing enough for you to prepare for sleep. In time that genre will become an anchor for aiding sleep.
When I first got over my insomnia in my 20s, I'd been really terrible insomniac from primary school, like the age of six or so, until my 20s and I began reading crime fiction. So like Sue Grafton, Sara Paretsky, Linda Fairstein, really gruesome stuff in some cases. And I'd read a few pages and fall asleep. One day I was reading a bit on the Tube back in London and my eyes got really heavy and I realised I'd anchored crime fiction with sleep.
I read crime fiction before bed every night for over a decade and then all of a sudden it was like, ‘Oh, this is really gruesome!’ and I stopped. I think, looking back, it was helpful for me to have something more engaging for my brain rather than something that might be more stereotypically designed for sleep.
I'm again sharing that just to help you think it might be a memoir, it might be a children's book, it might be a textbook if you're studying, it might be, really experiment with what feels indulgent, what do you want to curl up in bed with and do that, experiment with it.
#22 Journal
It's a wonderful way to take stock of the day and ease into visualising tomorrow or a more distant future that you're working towards. And also for just unloading, unburdening your brain, letting yourself get it out, externalise it and be ready for rest.
#23 List all the things you're grateful for (or even three)
There are so many studies around the benefits of gratitude and it's a lovely habit to get into. It's not about forcing it though, there are going to be nights where you're feeling too angsty to feel any gratitude and be kind to yourself.
But where you are able to, where it becomes habitual, it really is so beneficial and it just feels lovely. You might, if you share a bed with another human (I'm saying that as opposed to cats. They do not talk back to me in that regard. They don't share my gratitude practice, but they are part of my gratitude practice for sure because I'm so grateful for them), if your partner's there or if maybe you have housemates, before you go to bed, you might want to do a gratitude practice together. Energising it, like talking, keeping each other on track, just saying out loud what you're grateful for as well as potentially journaling it. It can all be really affirming and it helps, again, move away from that ruminating mind that's going to prevent sleep more towards happy, pleasant thoughts.
#24 Play with afformations
So not affirmations, afformations are more questioning. So for some people, affirmations can be quite homicide-inducing in terms of not acting on it but feeling a bit homicidal because it's like, I don't believe myself. I would love to say, for example, I sleep with ease and joy.
And if you're chronically sleep-deprived, you might want to stab yourself or someone else for even suggesting such a thing because it's such a hideous thing to be feeling. So instead of saying something that feels so far from the truth, you might want to ask yourself, why did I start sleeping well? And that instead engages our creativity, it connects us with the purpose behind our goals and can soothe us to sleep because you get more curious about it. Like, why do you, like why, like asking yourself in the future tense, like why did you and how did you and getting curious about what might help but stay away from any thoughts that make you feel stabby.
It's not helpful when you're feeling, I mean, sleep deprivation, it's torture for a reason. It's really unpleasant. So go as gentle with all of these tips, all of these self-care ideas as you can.
#25 Create a crystal cocktail
I share some of these on my Instagram @EveMenezesCunningham and I love to choose, at least every time I change the bedding, but sometimes every couple of nights. I'll always have something grounding. At the moment, I'm using a lot of larger hag stones. I'll always have rose quartz for self-love. I'll always have some amethyst. I've got lots of different shapes and sizes and different, like, kind of textures from raw to polished. They all have different energies, so I'll choose the amethyst to support insightful dreams and connection with my intuition and wisdom.
I will then vary it, so I might have something like blue agates for some gentleness of self-talk and communication with others. I might have some red jasper for grounding in a really warm, cozy kind of way. I might have unakite to bring things together.
There are so many stones you can experiment with and I love just that mindfulness element of when I'm choosing my crystal cocktail. What do I want to bring into the mix? What kind of qualities am I going to build on for that night or those few nights or that week?
Play with it yourself and there's plenty if you want to go to the site and look up the crystals selfcarecoaching.net/services/crystals
You'll see videos on how to choose, how to cleanse, and there are plenty of books around them. There are lots of examples in my book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, but play with them.
In terms of having them under your pillow, you might want to have them under something so that, like, you have two pillows. You don't want rocks to be keeping you up at night. But it can be a lovely way to support your dreams.
Also, if you're having a rough time, something like hematite, like extra stones for grounding, they can really support better sleep. I know it sounds strange if you're not used to working with crystals and whether or not you believe in their energies, even making that choice and even putting it there, you're anchoring your intention. It's a kinaesthetic and visual anchor.
I'm wanting to sleep better or I'm wanting whatever it is that you've chosen this stone for.
#26 Choose a card
There are so many oracle card decks to choose from. If you're drawn to any of them, simply shuffle and ask to be guided to the card that's most aligned with your highest good at that moment and see if it has any resonance for you.
Again, connecting with images is helping us prepare for sleep and you might want to journal about your results. You might want to do a Past, Present, Future spread or keep it simple with one card. Experiment, do what feels good for you.
#27 List all your woes
You may have already tapped them away with the EFT! If anything else springs to mind, rather than trying to suppress the worry, let yourself catastrophise for a few short minutes. Shine a light on it, let sunlight be that best disinfectant for you rather than trying to suppress and repress and ultimately energise how you're feeling. Make a list of it all.
#28 Reframe your woes
From 27 and put them in your God or Goddess Box. This comes from Tosha Silver's beautiful book, Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead, (Atria 2014).
Write each concern and offer it to Divine Order for healing. For example, ‘I'm transforming my [____whatever it is you're stressing about ____]’. ‘I let go of [___the old behaviour or belief__]’.
It is handled. I burn these notes at the Full Moon as it's a great time for letting go, but you might want to rip them up or burn them safely, whatever feels and whenever feels good for you.
#29 Prepare for the day ahead
This ties in with #2 but it can go deeper. Make yourself as comfortable as you can and imagine tomorrow or any upcoming event in great detail. Use all your senses to make it as vivid as possible as you imagine it going even better than previously imagined.
And you may want to go back to the Dr Glouberman episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast for more on her brand of ImageWork, which is gorgeous and involves imagining in great detail your ideal day, your terrible day, and then a more realistic day.
Both imaginings, what's gone well and what hasn't, in your imagination, will help you prepare better and it will fill you up with confidence and ease and grace.
#30 (Unless, as per number 11, exercise feels beneficial) Avoid exercise before bed
Generally, our body is better able to sleep when we've exercised earlier in the day rather than right before bed, but right before bed it's better than none at all.
#31 Create pockets of downtime throughout the day
These might be a minute or two of mindful breathing or resting in Savasana. Again, you can access videos for both via selfcarecoaching.net/book and selfcarecoaching.net/book/yoga- videos
After your yoga practice or even if you don't do any yoga, after a run or after you've been cleaning or after any exertion, lifting and lowering the nervous system throughout the day helps us prepare for sleep. After any exertion, let yourself sit on the sofa and relax or lie down.
I do my yoga nidra most days around like between 1 and 3pm. It's a time that my acupuncturist told me is great for working with the liver energy, but if you want to, if you're up much earlier, you might want to do it earlier. It's about not trying to have your brain and have your nervous system go from being high, high, high, high, high to suddenly sleep. It's up and down, up and down.
It's supporting Heart Rate Variability (HRV). It's supporting ease and gentleness, more flow, more rest, more time to recover from this full-on world we live in.
In terms of ADHD, there's the well-known phrase, I first heard it through Paris Hilton, but it came from, I think, Dr. Ed Halliwell, bicycle brakes, Ferrari brain or Ferrari brain bicycle brakes. So creating those pockets of time during the day where you get to just exhale and just be, it's going to make it much, much easier for you to then go to sleep, go into that deeper rest.
#32 Visit your happy place
Choose a moment, either real or imagined, where you feel completely at ease, well and happy. Make it as vivid as you can to give your body a break from all the stress hormones and allow yourself to indulge in the benefits of a mental holiday. The effects can last for hours and it's a wonderful way, again, if you don't want to meditate or pray, just that happy place. It sounds so self-indulgent, but not only will it bring a smile to your face, but it's giving yourself a break from stress hormones. It's preparing yourself for great rest. When I said great rest, it's like, precious, so let's go with good enough rest.
#33 Think of something you've done well today
This can feel challenging at first, so if it's easy, think of something else as well, but mentally scan the day you've done and choose a moment or situation that you're proud of the way you've handled.
Relive it and mentally or aloud, if you're talking to someone you share your bed with or sharing space with, notice how you feel and congratulate yourself. Really admire what you've done, appreciate what you've done.
It might have been really difficult, it might have been really silly. I'm in the process of giving up crisps. It's been nearly a week as I record this and it's like, ‘Yeah! I bought nuts and raisins on the go rather than crisps!
I hope you found this helpful. You can connect with me through thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com or commenting wherever you're listening.
Next week, I've got Jayne Leonard back with me to celebrate Neurodiversity Celebration Week.
If you would like tools for sleep, you can go to selfcarecoaching.net/home/sleep There's a bit of a library there. There's also The Self Care Coaching Collection: Sleep Better Every Night which has more.
And, of course, the newsletter, there are so many resources. I don't want to be overwhelming you, but if you've got any questions, let me know. Do comment, let me know what helps you sleep, how your sleep is now, how it's been in the past.
I know for me with menopause, when it got disrupted again, because it had been so bad as a kid, it was nothing. I realised that sleep is one of my specialisms, so I'm more relaxed about it
So much of it is what we tell ourselves. Remind yourself of what you've been through before and that you have more agency than you might realise. Experiment with the ideas and let me know how you get on.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself to connect with yourself, with that uppercase, Self - that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself, and to become more fully embodied, at peace and at ease in your own skin.
To help me do this, if you can think of someone who might benefit, please share it, and if you haven't already and would like to, you can subscribe, comment, rate, review, and this episode, like all of them so far, has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham.
Thanks again for listening, and if you'd like more on this week's theme, you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com. Find out more at selfcarecoaching.net. Each week, Half Moon members, that's the free subscribers, get some bonus content to support balance and harmony, so it's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme. And then the following day, Full Moon and Supermoon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting, really soothing, really working well with your nervous system, so that you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know to do, perhaps, but just supporting you and taking those steps. Let me know if any of that is of interest, and I hope you have a gorgeous day.
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