Birthday reflections on lessons and blessings

This Self Care Sunday, we’re reflecting on the year’s (so far) and lessons and blessings. If you’re Extra Embodied you’ll find your oracle card reading and Zoom link for Your Oasis Live Calls tomorrow

‘Nothing else matters’ ~ Metallica

IF YOUR EMAIL ENDS WITH ‘MESSAGE TOO LONG’, PLEASE CLICK THROUGH TO THE LINK FOR YOUR READING AND ZOOM INFO

Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash

As I prepare for my 48^th birthday with the usual physical and metaphorical deep clean to release the old welcome the new, I’m realising what a rollercoaster of a year it’s been.

I do this every year and am sharing my process in case it’s something you want to adopt for YOUR birthday, to prepare for the New Year or ANY DAY YOU CHOOSE.

If I were to pick a Tarot card to represent my 47^th year, it’d be The Tower – a ‘divine detox’.

So much upheaval.

So many reminders to trust, surrender and stop arguing with reality.

So many reminders that, ultimately, the only thing that matters is that people (and all creatures) know how loved they are.

LESSONS INCLUDE:

1)    Actual DRIVING lessons ~ I’m now on the waiting list and will book my test as soon as I’m invited to do so. It’s been tough going AND more enjoyable than I ever could have imagined

2)   Actual DIVING lessons ~ I attended a lecture about diving and after a couple of ‘try dives’ have signed up! My brain is so full with all the steep learning curves I’m on (read on for more), am giving my cerebellum and prefrontal cortex a LITTLE bit of a break by doing the first year as a snorkelling member

3)   The importance of REST ~ just as I intellectually understood this and made some enormous changes, my body forced me to pay even closer attention when I collapsed on 7^th January and hit my head so hard I had a concussion for months. My body forced me to rest initially and since I got better, it’s been an ongoing lesson to learn to AMP UP MY OWN SELF CARE. Again, progress not perfection

4)   Getting to know my new body and brain ~ I’m a yoga therapist but my focus has always been more on mental health benefits. This year, being unable to do so much for so long (even with the basic WALKING), I’ve had to keep on being patient with myself and not overdoing things (and forgiving myself for making things worse when I DO overdo things). My work is all about embodiment and it’s a daily practice still

5)   Perimenopause and menopause ~ I think that most years, these would have been rollercoasters all by themselves. This year, I almost forgot their impact but again, it’s helped me (aka FORCED me) to pay closer attention to what my body needs and to do what I can to balance my hormones

6)   Accepting my neurodivergence ~ as with menopause, recognising my ADHD (years after a brain scan showed an ‘abnormality’ that correlates with it and after countless people had gently suggested I had it) has helped me amp up the self care and self compassion. I’ve spent my entire life attempting to put systems in place to support my working memory. Now that I understand that, yes, there’s complex trauma there and YES, I killed many many braincells with my drinking before I got sober in 2001 AND my brain and I deserve ease. And gentleness. And understanding. It’s still a very early part of the process. Am still awaiting psychiatric assessment so don’t have a formal diagnosis but even asking my GP gave ME permission to stop being so hard on myself. You can read my interview with the delightful Chris Oxborrow HERE and listen to the fantabulous Jane Travis interviewing me for her podcast on ND and therapy HERE

7)    Grief and loss ~ My cousin was found dead in her London flat the day I hit my head in January. The whole situation surrounding it is pretty horrific and my heart hurts for all the people who are suffering and unable to access medical care. And my godfather and uncle, who had been diagnosed last year, died this September. We were lucky enough to get to Norway to spend his last three conscious days at his hospital bedside and also got back again for the funeral. And little Mabel. The feral foster kitten I nursed for a whole weekend but who died anyway… even writing this. I am stronger writing about my human relatives than the sweet tiny creature I’d only known a few weeks but who I’ll never forget and who helped me feel ALL the feelings around my cousin and godfather/uncle

8)   The whole feral cat and kitten colony situation ~ possibly one of the hardest things of all. The TIME and ENERGY I spent arguing with reality. At time of writing, I have Grape, Jakey Bear and Meadbh in the house still, in a separate room, awaiting being ready to be rehomed purrmentantly. I also have another three toms to TNR (trap neuter and release) but can’t do this until the kittens are gone. Rainbow MagnifiCat is doing OK but wasn’t going out at ALL for months on account of all the cats on the doorstep

9)   Recognising that working around the clock was unsustainable ~ Yes. It’s embarrassing as a Self care coach to recognise old patterns (which still sometimes re-emerge. Progress not perfection). Because I went self employed partly because I had endometriosis, I got into the habit of making up for the times I couldn’t work by then working around the clock. As Maya Angelou used to say, when we know better, we can DO better

10)                   Exciting new elements TO my work ~ I moved my mailing list from MailChimp to Substack and moved my online membership from my site to Substack. Another steep learning curve. I’m resuscitating my YouTube channel with weekly yoga nidras and more AND have enjoyed interviewing a wide range of self care professionals for The Feel Better Every Day Podcast as well as still being stunned that I (almost) have a podcast!

11) The importance of co-regulation ~ I’ve known this consciously for well over a decade but it feels like THIS year forced me to rely on others in a way I haven’t had to. My partner has been amazing (he probably saved my life when I got the head injury. He’s also exhibited extreme patience in teaching me how to drive a motorised vehicle on actual roads) and I’ve been able to relax into regular (monthly) acupuncture treatments. At the hairdresser the other day (at time of drafting this), I didn’t want to lift my head after the shampoo-ing. As someone who has spent decades not letting anyone fully hold me, this showed me how far I’ve come. Giving my FULL weight to humans as well as to the ocean.

BLESSINGS INCLUDE:

1)    Learning to drive! And my gorgeous little Skoda, Beatrice Lobster.

2)   Learning to DIVE! Even in the swimming pool, it’s so peaceful and joyous (as well as feeling like a frog on acid as I attempt to negotiate with my own limbs in fins).

3)   ENJOYING some of the rest ~ let’s face it, my work has been focused around nervous system regulation, bringing more ‘rest digest’ into stressed, anxious and trauma recovering lives, since 2013! It’s about time I REALLY focus on it and enjoy the indulgence of it (while finding compassion for myself when it’s such a struggle).

4)   The JOY of befriending body and mind each day ~ yes, my yoga practice has changed and I’m building up again but when I focus on what my head, knees, shoulders etc etc need instead of arguing with reality about what I CAN’T do on any given day… I adore yoga

5)   Woo hoo! I made it to menopause! No more monthly endometriosis pain! No more being FLOORED most months in spite of so many pain killers. Yay to a new phase. Am beginning to feel like A Proper Grown Up.

6)   I am getting better at treating myself better ~ someone recommended the Garmin tracker with ‘body battery’ to help me coach myself around the ADHD and while I’m not an elite athlete, it’s fascinating to get to know the different measurements around stress and rest. I’ve been working with the nervous system, heart rate variability and more for such a long time, it never OCCURRED to me that the tech would come so far that I might OWN something (a very generous gift from a loved one for my business birthday, actual birthday and Christmas) that would give me such personalised biofeedback.

7)    New roof and cistern and financial reckoning ~ Needing a new roof (and doing lots of work with my Crown Chakra) and plumbing work plus all the time I couldn’t work full time this year (and I didn’t even mention finally succumbing to Covid just as I was starting to feel fully myself by August) has meant taking stock of my spending etc. It’s been tough AND I know it’s temporary and how lucky I am to have work I love and the resources I have. I can build back up again.

8)   Nothing else matters ~ my godfather/uncle KNEW how loved he was. We got to talk. To LAUGH even. And I know in every fibre of my being that Mabel knew she was loved. I still don’t know if Grape will fully recover but where (when I was sure he wouldn’t last the night a couple of weeks back) I felt like I couldn’t cope at all, I remembered that I have no control (beyond taking as good care of him as I can) but CAN ensure that HE and Jakey Bear and Meadbh (and Angel Houdini and the other outdoor ones I haven’t named yet.

9)   A room full of kittens! When I stopped arguing with reality and accepted that I’d gone from 1 to 11 cats overnight, it got easier. Friends and loved ones have been incredibly supportive even from other countries as I felt so needy and helpless myself, I had to reach out. And while Rainbow MagnifiCat is incredible (and not at all jealous, thankfully), spending time with Meadbh, Mabel, Jakey Bear (who came over to RUB NOSES with me the other day) and Grape is a privilege and joy. I love knowing that they’ve gone from feral to FRIENDLY in a matter of weeks and will soon have the full run of their future human’s home/s. It also taught me that my best IS good enough.

10)                   WORK ~ I’ve been doing this since 2004 and THIS year has been a huge growth spurt with a full website audit (my site is HUGE) and updating 2/3 of it with new brand colours (the purple, green, teal and blue) and starting an online business course. I have much to catch up on but adore what I do and am very much looking forward to the new systems and ways of working making things much easier. I finally upgraded my laptop and it’s INCREDIBLE being able to participate in Zoom chats etc without it crashing. And I’m loving the work involved in creating the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, launching on Winter Solstice in memory of my godfather.

11) The JOY of being held by humans as well as the ocean ~ one of the things I’ve always loved about my sea swims (and stormy dips) is that I’m not too much for the ocean. My whole self is welcome. While I’ve done my best to offer this to my clients, supervisees and groups (and readers) for years, I’ve always held back myself. This year (and being in hospital and unable to do the most BASIC things in January) has been an enormous reboot. Hideous in many ways but ultimately, absolutely a blessing. My heart is bigger now.

MOVING FORWARD, I WELCOME MORE…

PLEASURE

The past several years, I’ve chosen a transpersonal quality (some call it ‘word of the year’) to focus on for the year. Recent years have had Joy, Healing, Rest and EASE.

I’m ready for more pleasure. I’ve had SO much healing around the sacral chakra the past few decades. And something this year has kicked in.

I want MORE of this.

How about you?

THIS WEEK’S REFLECTIVE AND/OR EMBODIED JOURNAL PROMPT

Grab your mirror and/or recording device and let your inner wisdom come out.

Notice, when you watch or listen back (or simply look at your reflection), how you look and sound as you say certain things. Do you believe yourself? Is there resistance? Excitement? Anything else?

This year, I’m ready to bring more _________________ into my life

Experiment with all the words and qualities that spring to mind. Notice how each feels as you imagine it being a focal point for your year ahead.

You might get a clear, simple immediate answer, or you might have a longer conversation with yourself.

It might take several hours, days or even weeks to settle on a quality that REALLY resonates for you.

Be open and attentive to whatever comes up for you and know that by simply paying attention to yourSELF this inner wisdom will become easier to access moving forward.

How did that feel?

You might want to journal around your reflections and I’d also love it if you let me and other subscribers know how it was for you today.

WANT TO DIVE DEEPER?

Tomorrow’s Motivation Monday Embodied Wellbeing newsletter goes into more depth helping you embody pleasure more yourself.

And the Tune In* Tuesday blog post (28/11/23) explores the link between trauma recovery and relearning how to feel safe enough to relax into life and enjoy it more with some of my highlights from IACP’s conference on intergenerational trauma, addition and recovery.

And a little about the healing crisis I experienced on the Sunday.

If you’re not already a subscriber, you can sign up now.

YOUR ORACLE CARD READING

This week, we’re working with the gorgeously illustrated EarthCraft deck.

As always, press in through the soles of the feet and the parts of you that are connected to whatever furniture is supporting you, sitting or lying down. FEEL that sense of being held. Connect with the earth's nourishing energy and draw on that support as you imagine yourself lengthening through the spine. Reach up to the heavens knowing that you're only open to what's for your highest good at this time.

Trust that you’re being drawn to the right card for you at this time and choose a, b or c